OMFG!
by White Rose Archer
Summary: Rated for drugs, alcohol, lannguage and Tsukasa strippage! Sora singing Fake Wings? Cat fight between Bear and A20? Coming straight out the authoresses mind.
1. Tsukasa Stripping And Other Insanity

[Hoooo, boy... Here we go... I thought I'd never write an R rated.   
  
WARNING: Crack use, alcohol, Tsukasa strippage and Subaru being bashed beyond your wildest dreams!!  
  
"talking"  
  
'thoughts'  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned .Hack//SIGN, Subaru would have long since died, Tsukasa would be a guy and Sora would parade around shirtless. Do you see any shirtless Sora? No. Therefore, I don't own .Hack//SIGN. ]  
  
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OMFG!!  
  
Tsukasa stripping, Sora on crack and Bear flirting? Oh My...  
  
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Tsukasa's mind was clouded. He struggled to stay foucused but couldn't. Suddenly the world was a blur. The same thing was happening to all of our heroes and Sora who were currently using two new items in The World. Crack and alcohol. The creators of The World didn't call it that. The items were just nameless ones that had been floating around and Sora got a lot of.   
  
*5 minutes after the substances were consumed*   
  
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The said whoop of joy came from Subaru who was singing Police Magic on karaoke. All of the characters are currently eithier drunk, high or both. In Subaru's case, both. Swinging her hand down on her hip she slurred the next chorus. "It's tha POLEESH MAGIC, if you wanna nee me!!.." Mimiru threw a bottle of what we know as vodka at the Axemaster. A war ensued when Subaru countered the attack by throwing her axe at Mimiru  
  
Inside of everyone, there are tiny invisible threads that tie us to one another. The threads are powered by something the person posesses or acts like. The thread for Subaru to Tsukasa was severed when Subaru's axe flew off stage and proceeded to hurting Mimiru severly.   
  
Or atleast that was Tsukasa's figuring.   
  
"FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!," the wavemaster screamed as he jumped up and fell off the small table he had been sitting on. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! I AM FREE FROM SUBARU!!!!!!!!!! WHEEEEEHEEEHEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAYEAH!!!!!" Having said this and with Subaru offstage, Tsukasa jumped up on the table and sang Platinum Blonde Life while stripping himself nude. Sora began cheering the albino on and once the underwear was off all eyes were on Tsukasa.   
  
Mimiru effectively broke the ice by screaming "OMFG!!!! HE HAS BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" In truth, Mimiru was imagining this. Tsukasa was a boy in The World so that's what he had. Tsukasa, however smiled proudly and sat back at his table, with his clothes scattered all over the stage.   
  
No one wanted to elaborate.   
  
**MEANWHILE...**  
  
Sora had been watching everthing but found the idea of being more active very enticing. Hence, why he was on his third blunt of thee hour, picking up Tsukasa's clothes. Humming to himself lightly, he proceeded into a full blown song. Maha smiled and was also high. Starting to pick up the beat, the NPC danced wildly with Crim to the song of the PKer.   
  
  
  
This song has made a mark in all of us. If you have never seen .Hack//SIGN, you might have never heard this glorious melody which still plauges this authoress in her sleep. My dearest readers, incase you are brain dead, you know the song I'm talking about.   
  
"DEARRRRR MY LOVE!!! SWEET MORING LIIIIIIGHT!!!! WAIT FOR ME YOU'VE DRAWN MUCH FAATHER!! TOO FAT!!!!!!!!"  
  
And Sora managed to get this song totally and completely wrong.   
  
**DONCHA LOVE MEANWHILES!?!**  
  
Bear looked over at BT and began to contemplate the true meaning of her name. 'Bacon Tomato? Bondage Time? [1] Only one way to find out...,' he mentally mused before sitting opposite of the blonde wavemaster. "Sooooooo, come here often, good lookin'??"  
  
He didn't even get that far. He got punched in the face during the second drawn out syllable. "Keep yo' hands offa my woh-man, dog turd![2]," a twin blade howled. Thus a fight began between Bear and A20. Guess who won? If the fact the Bear has a broken arm in The World is any form of a hint, then use that.   
  
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[ [1]= The authoress has a bad, scary mind...   
  
[2]= Inuyasha anyone?????  
  
And do NOT ask about the thing with A20 and BT. Just remember, they are high and drunk. Tell me if I should add to this insanity.] 


	2. Or Is This A Skirt?

[Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Update!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: When have I ever?]  
  
OMFG!  
  
Or Is This a Skirt?  
  
As the party in Aura's realm flamed on, everyone noticed something wonderful. Not Tsukasa's hot body, not the fact that A20 was still attacking Bear("Stay down, Inukoro!!!"). It was the fact that Sora was missing. This realization came in mixed ways from our stoners/drunkards. Some cheered, some were attacked(Subaru) and some simple continued drinking/smoking as if nothing was wrong.   
  
"Soooooooooooooooooo," BT drawled after a few minutes of Sora's absence. There came a rustle from the near by bushes. Everyone wielded the closest thing or person as a weapon. Weapons included cups, bottles, Tsukasa's shirt, Aura's teddy bear and Subaru. [A/N: 0.o] Then, out from the bushes came a bouncy figure with green hair.   
  
"Sora!"   
  
Yes, it was Sora. Out he bounced, with an overly happy look on his face. Yet, there was something different. What was the difference, you ask?   
  
"OMFG! Those are my clothes!.... I think... cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese..." Tsukasa trailed off, rolling his eyes to the back of his head. And indeed they were. Well, half of them, anyways.   
  
Sora had opted to wear the lower half of Tsukasa's outfit, without Tsukasa's shirt(which was being wielded as a weapon by Maha), or any shirt for that matter. [Sora fans, rejoice!!] Everyone stared at him. "What?" They continued staring. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!? I'll have you know this is very very comfy. One thing I can't figure out though." As he continued this part of his explanation, he picked at the skirt like fabric covering his underwear[Or there lack of. XD]. "Is this a tunic? Or, is this a skirt? "  
  
Tsukasa, who had been having a vodka chugging contest with BT, after his outburst, suddenly exploded into tears. "ALRIGHT, DOD GAMMIT!!! I ADMIT IT!!! I'M A CROSS DRESSER!!!!!" he sobbed.   
  
Subaru, after wrestling herself away from a position as Mimiru's weaponry, walked over to Tsukasa and took his hand in hers. "I don't mind if you're a cross dresser. I'm in love with your sou-"  
  
"OMFG!" Mimiru yelled. "MY SWORD IS TALKING!!!" As we all know, Subaru is not a sword, but Mimiru, being very high, thought she was. After all, all of the .HackSIGN cast was either drunk, high, or both at this point. So, Mimiru promptly grabbed Subaru and attempted shoving her into a sword hilt while screaming about a haunted sword. She seemed oblivious to the yells of "I AM NOT TETSAIGA!! I AM A FISH!!! BOING!!!!!!"  
  
Meanwhile, Sora, who had been cough innocently talking to BT was interrupted. "So, after you screwed the football team, you did the basket ba-"  
  
"Tsukasa," Morgana said from her place in the sky. "You have finally returned."   
  
Our lovable Wavemaster, not BT, the other one, hid behind Crim, who was still dancing with Maha, forcing Tsukasa to mimic him from behind. However, it was Sora who Aura walked over to. She stood on her toes and Sora bent down to listen to her. She murmured something into Sora's ear, to which, he responded with an enthusiastic, "Alright!"   
  
With that, the Twin Blade picked up the Key of the Twilight, and walked about a mile away, to do naughty, masochistic, NC-17 things, which will not be written for the sake of the authoress' sanity.   
  
[I have a seriously fucked up mind. And there will not be any lemons in this fic or any of my fics, for that matter. ] 


End file.
